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  #11  
Old 03-25-2007, 12:11 PM
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BTW stand up comedy sucks.
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  #12  
Old 03-25-2007, 12:14 PM
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  #13  
Old 03-25-2007, 01:54 PM
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If anyone says Dane Cook then you deserve an ass kicking.


I forget his name, but I saw this one guy on Comedy Central who was like some shitty magician/stand up guy. Thought he was pretty funny. Oh yea, and lets not forget the master, Dennis Leary.
Leary stole half his act from Bill Hicks. In the words of Hicks himself: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."
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  #14  
Old 03-25-2007, 05:24 PM
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Originally Posted by powerslave_85 View Post
Leary stole half his act from Bill Hicks. In the words of Hicks himself: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."

didn't know that, I haven't heard much of Hicks stuff. I just remember laughing my ass off when I saw No Cure For Cancer.
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  #15  
Old 03-25-2007, 05:56 PM
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  #16  
Old 03-25-2007, 06:51 PM
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Originally Posted by powerslave_85 View Post
Leary stole half his act from Bill Hicks. In the words of Hicks himself: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."
I would have to agree. Especially after hearing No Cure for Cancer.
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  #17  
Old 03-26-2007, 05:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by powerslave_85 View Post
Leary stole half his act from Bill Hicks. In the words of Hicks himself: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."
Nice quote. I used to love Dennis Leary, but I heard him before I heard Bill Hicks. Someone on another board I frequent posted this breakdown:



Bill Hicks:We live in a world where John Lennon is murdered, yet Barry Manilow continues to make albums...if you're gonna kill someone, have some *beep* taste. I'll drive you to Kenny Rogers' house.

Denis Leary: We live in a country where John Lennon takes six bullets to the chest, Yoko Ono is standing right next to him, not one *beep* bullet....bring me the head of Barry Manilow, I want to drink beer out of his empty head, I wanna have a Barry Manilow skull-keg party at my apartment.

-

Bill Hicks: You know the story about the two kids that were big fans of this group Judas Priest, and they committed suicide, and the parents of the kids sued the band? First of all, two kids, big fans of Judas Priest, commit suicide. Wow. Two less gas-station attendants in the world. What, I don't mean to sound cruel here, but I don't think we lost a cancer cure. They weren't that important. "Bill, you sound so cruel," *beep* them, they were idiots, get it?

Denis Leary: Judas Priest on trial because kids commit suicide, what is that about?...Heavy metal fans are buying heavy metal albums, listening to the albums, then blowing their heads off with shotguns. Where's the problem? That's an unemployment solution right there folks, it's called natural selection...I say we put more messages on the albums, kill the band, then your parents, then yourself.

-

Bill Hicks: Remember Jim Fix, that health-nut who died while jogging? Used to write BOOKS about jogging...what do you jot down about jogging? "Left foot, right foot, hemorage." *beep* Jim...we're gonna need a happier ending, buddy. Heart-attack while jogging, that's heavy *beep* I'm glad I stayed inside instead of jogging. I was too busy smoking.

Denis Leary: Remember Jim Fix, the big famous jogging guy? Did a jogging book, did a jogging video, and dropped dead of a massive heart attack WHEN? When he was *beep* jogging, that's when...it's always the yogurt, sprout-eating *beep* get run over by a bus driven by a guy who smokes three and a half packs a day. "Sorry officer I didn't see him, I was too busy smoking."

-

Bill Hicks: I'm a heavy smoker, I go through about two lighters a day. I lost track of the packs, all that math.

Denis Leary: I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day...

-

Bill Hicks: (on nonsmokers) Bunch of whining *beep* maggots.

Denis Leary: (on depressed celebs) Whining *beep* maggots.

-

Bill Hicks: Nonsmokers say the stupidest things. "What about second-hand smoke? It's not just the smoke that you smoke, but the smoke that comes out of you, that's called secondary-smoke. That's not good smoke just cause it came out of you." Shut the *beep* up, right now. Dammit, if I dont smoke, there's gonna be secondary BULLETS coming your way.

Denis Leary: ...you got all these little facts that you dig out of a newspaper or a pamphlet somewhere, and you store that little nugget in your little *beep* head, and you see us light up and you spew 'em out at us, dont you? (Delivered exactly like Hicks portrayed a nonsmoker): "Well you know, smokin...takes ten years off your life!"

-

Bill Hicks: MC Hammer, there was another boat that left me on the island. "You wanna get on the Hammer boat with us?" No thanks, I'd rather stay here and eat my own flesh. You could sit and explain it to me from now until the end of time, and I'll go, *beep* don't get it, man."

Denis Leary: ...explain it to me, I missed the *beep* point some place, the boat left and I wasn't on the boat.

-

Bill Hicks: Everybody, this is your captain speaking. I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, we're going to crash. The good news is, there's enough time to smoke a cigarette before we do.

Denis Leary: Folks, this is your captain speaking, look uhh, light 'em up, cuz we're going down. I got a carton of Camel non-filters, I'll see you on the ground.
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  #18  
Old 03-26-2007, 07:59 AM
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Wow, I never realized his act was such a sham.
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  #19  
Old 03-26-2007, 08:10 AM
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  #20  
Old 03-26-2007, 02:01 PM
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Larry the Cable Guy, Jeff Foxworthy

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