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  #1  
Old 02-23-2012, 12:42 AM
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street_burial street_burial is offline
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Iron Maiden Plans “The Least of The Beast” 2013 Tour

The greatest band in the known universe is about to reinvent the idea of a tour. After Iron Maiden concludes their highly awaited “Maiden England 2012 Tour” they plan to go back out on the road and play the worst songs from their nearly 35 year catalogue. According to singer Bruce Dickinson, “Iron Maiden has always been on the cutting edge of heavy metal. What is more cutting edge then making people pay 85 dollars to see a bunch of songs that they can’t stand?!?”

Maiden plans to dust off some of the most cringe inducing songs from their catalog including Weekend Warrior, Holy Smoke, Chains of Misery, 2 AM, The Apparition and Blood On The World’s Hands. They plan to open with Hooks in You, a song so bad that it has been linked to the self-immolation of 12 monks over the past 5 years. In the hopes to incite the audience into riot-like fits of rage they plan on playing Sheriff of Huddersfield, Roll Over Vic Vella and Nodding Donkey Blues, three b-sides they have never bothered to play live before. They plan on closing the set with Bring Your Daughter…To The Slaughter, the song that won them the Razzie for Worst Song from a Movie (from A Nightmare on Elm Street: Part 5).

In keeping with their more “progressive” recent style of song writing, they plan to keep every song to a minimum of eight minutes long. Instead of adding intricate soloing or creating a novel new arrangement, they will simply repeat the same chorus over and over for five additional minutes per song. If the audience has not ingested full vats of cyanide laced Kool-Aid by the middle of the show, the 19-minute version of The Angel and The Gambler should push them over the edge.

What could possibly top that setlist? How about an encore where they play the entire new Final Frontier album. Twice. Along with a 12-minute Bruce Dickinson monologue about the joys of flying backed by Janick Gers playing harmonica. It should be a night few will soon forget.

The band plans on releasing a Least of The Beast album featuring their worst songs in tandem with the tour. They also will be releasing six new DVDs in the next year, including Bus 666 disc detailing the bands trip through Central Florida on a Greyhound Bus back in 1981 and Meal 666, where the audience can have the rare treat of watching Bruce Dickinson eat a steak dinner. Nap 666, featuring Dave Murray sleeping for two hours, is scheduled for release in 2014.



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Old 02-23-2012, 12:58 AM
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great read!!
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Old 02-23-2012, 03:06 AM
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But I like Chains of Misery and The Apparition...
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Old 02-23-2012, 05:49 AM
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I'd love to see Holy Smoke, Hooks in You, Blood on the World's Hands, and Bring Your Daughter. Also, the whole Final Frontier live would make a great show.
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Old 02-23-2012, 04:14 PM
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I would absolutely go to this show.
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Old 02-23-2012, 04:40 PM
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>implying The Final Frontier is bad
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Old 02-23-2012, 04:50 PM
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Love it and yes TFF was amazingly average in every way
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Old 02-23-2012, 05:49 PM
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How I dream of this tour to come true! I would trade so many shows I've been to over the years to see this one. Opening with Run Silent Run Deep...insanely underrated!
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Old 02-24-2012, 01:51 AM
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HEY! LISTEN!
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by powerslave_85 View Post
I would absolutely go to this show.
This.

I know it's a joke but if it were real, I'd still go to it.
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Old 02-25-2012, 12:14 PM
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I like the way the line runs up the back of the stocking
 
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only you guys
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