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Phil Lewis -- London, England -- January 22nd, 2015
Rush -- Brussels, Belgium -- May 12th, 1983
Marilyn Manson -- Silver Spring, MD -- January 21st, 2015
Yngwie J. Malmsteen -- London, England -- June 14th, 2008
Linkin Park -- Nashville, TN -- January 17th, 2015


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Old 12-31-2014, 01:04 AM
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A Thank You To All Of You *My Life in 2014*

Well in less than 21 hours, it will be 2015. Around this time 365 days ago, I was in my darkest period of my life and was 2 seconds away from pulling a trigger, ending my life.

Most people who know me know about the hell I went through from August 2013 till even right now. I'll try to do the shortest version. I got sick at my old job on the last day of that job and ended up in the hospital. And from that point till January 2014, I ended up in the ER 9 times for horrible stomach pain. I was in the hospital and with no avail as to figuring out what was wrong with me, they doctors and nurses put me on Dilaudid, which I was addicted to till February 2014. In October 2013, they took my gall bladder out thinking that would take care of the problem, but that was not the case. 6 more times after that I went to the ER begging for help, and by the last of those ER visits, the Doctors gave up on me saying that I was just a heroin addict trying to score pain medication. after that last ER visit I had decided to end it all.

I didn't know when I was going to do it, but in my head, I thought there was no way out. I was never going to get better, i was never going to be able to do anything with That Drummer Guy anymore, I was never going to play drums anymore, I was never going to live a normal life again. On New Years Eve, after a particularly depressing day, I had it. Around 9pm on New Years Eve I decided that it was time called up Lynn, went insane talking to her and said goodbye. Something in my mind kept me from pulling the trigger that night and I'm still shocked that I didn't. If anything I stayed alive for her. With an exception amount of days I can count on one hand, she was with me at every hospital visit from River Falls. WI to St. Paul, MN to Rochester, MN. against all the demons in my head, I didn't pull the trigger, put it back and cried and puked myself to sleep. I should note, when you are addicted to Dilaudid (Hospital grade heroin), the first hour feels fucking amazing, but every second after that kills you slowly. Due to being addicted I constantly threw up because of the pain in my stomach and because it always felt like something was caught in my throat.

A few days later I went to the ER two more times. One morning, I snapped once again. I told the doctors that I did not want to live anymore unless they could figure out what was wrong with me, I refused tests because it was the same tests they gave me before and it always came back negative. I went home, a couple hours later, I collapsed, called the ambulance again, went back to the ER and they transferred me to St. Paul one last time. They FINALLY gave me to a doctor who almost automatically knew what was wrong with me.

As it turns out my stomach issues are two things. 1.) issues from having my gall bladder taken out (which I will suffer from till my final moment) and 2.) Stomach migraines. I never heard of this problem before, but it is the same thing as head migraines, except in the stomach. after taking a concoction, Almost everything went away instantly and I've never been to the hospital since.

I am still suffering through a lot of the problems I had then, but the constant pain that I had is gone and never has come back. I still get lots os stomach pain and chest pain and lot of problems involing the bathroom I won't get into, but the crippling pain that I felt on the bathroom floor of my previous employer has never come back.

You'd think things would have gotten better from there, well...yes and no...

As for NO, A couple friends of mine *I'm not tagging anyone in this post* had a great idea. One thought of an idea to hold a benefit for me and the other took the idea and ran with it. You'd think that would be amazing right? Well soon the benefit got taken over by a couple people who I never talked to much, if at all before this benefit. Along with that, a whole shitload of drama started with it. A lot of people thought the benefit was my idea to score money for dilaudid, others through that I was faking this whole thing and didn't deserve a benefit, and of course there are those who I considered my closest friends abandoned me essentially the night of the benefit.

Don't get me wrong, the benefit was great. 5 killer Metal bands played in my honor, and it raised a good sum of money I never thought I would get, or even more so, deserve. All of my friends and "friends" were there but afterwords, I never heard from a lot of those "friends" again. The people who put on the whole benefit? Never talked to them again, even with me trying to. My friends who I thought were my best friends, stopped talking to me and had nothing left to do with me anymore. One person in particular I somewhat made up with but the damage is done and will probably never be fully repaired.

The GOOD? I saw who my real friends were, the ones who actually wanted something to do with me afterwards and still do today. I'm not going to say any names in fear of leaving someone out. But those people, and of course my family, are so important to me and I wouldn't be here without you.

Now, onto the rest of the year....

Let's get the bad shit out of the way....

I touched on losing who I thought were some of my best friends, and I've talked about how I am still not back to where I should be health wise. Mentally I am a bit more screwed up than I ever was. For anyone who knows me the best, I had a very rough childhood that I will not talk about on here, but basically, My confidence has been shot since I was 11 years old. I question ever decision I make, but now after everything that's happened, it's worse. Everything I do now I feel like it's the bad choice, even if it is blatantly obvious it's the right one. I think no matter what I do, I will fuck it up and remain a loser for the rest of my days. even if you reading this doesn't feel that way, I will always feel like that. No matter what anyone thinks of me, no matter what horrible things are said about me, what rumors are said, what people feel about me, I will think worse things about myself a million-fold worse than you can imagine. I am messed up bad. It sometimes gets better but a lot of days I feel like I've ruined my life by getting sick because I lost so much. even though getting sick was not my fault, my mind doesn't let me think this way. I know I need help, i just don't know how to fix 13 years of mental damage.

I also lost my band of 4 years, Planet Smasher. Even though this doesn't feel like a life changing moment, it is to me because I have absolutely nothing to show for it. I spent 4 years in various incarnations of Planet Smasher, from different band names to genre changes to recording demos and every time that something was about to happen that would get us to the next step, someone of the most importance dropped out where we had to start all over again. This happend for 4 years, I wrote 3 albums worth of music that no one will get to hear and the most recent Planet Smasher, or whatever comes of it, no longer involves me. I spent 4 years with this band and have zero to show for it. I turned down major opportunities in bands that actually toured and made albums and had at least a good sized local popularity all because I wanted to stay loyal to the band I started and loved. I honestly regret that now because I could have been a lot farther in my drumming career than I am now. Granted I am very happy with where I am (which I'll talk about later) but the fact that I could have toured by now, been on professional recordings by now, been that Drummer Guy and be known for my drumming by now, completely crushes me. Basically, without getting into the fine details of what happened to Planet Smasher, the band started going in a direction i didn't like and I did my damnedest to keep the band from going under. After not being able to talk anymore, i said I quit. the next day I talked to some of the guys in the band saying, if you guys still want me in the band, you gotta do this, or have me out the band. They unanimously chose the latter. Which completely crushed me because no one was willing to talk to me about any band issues and there was always this underlying animosity no one, besides me, ever brought up. As far as I know, the band has a new drummer and they are doing whatever they are doing. Hey, maybe you'll hear something from the band in 2015?

Now, after letting out all the bad stuff, lets get into the new stuff.

That Drummer Guy is bigger than I ever thought it could be. I got 96 interviews under my belt, 29 of them this year. I got to interview my favorite band of all time, Dream Theater, I got to interview my metal drumming hero Gene Hoglan. Made great friends and connections with bands that are slowly taking over the world. Made my 24th appearance on Blabbermouth. got major opportunities that I never thought I would have, all thanks to my love for music that doesn't get enough attention outside the fans, METAL. I am gracious for everyone that I've made contacts with, and all the guys who i can now call friends that are out there kicking ass on the road. If you guys are reading this, you know who you are.

I made it to my 109th episode of That Drummer Guy Presents. If I hadn't gotten sick I would have hit this mark a long time ago, but after coming from the end of my life, I didn't think I would make it this far. I got a couple great stations that love playing my show (and actually bring in some of the biggest numbers on said stations). Even though I do get upset by the lack of social media love for That Drummer Guy, I do get to pull in awesome numbers and ratings. Even in podcast form of the show, my show is always in the Top 20 within the first couple days of posing it. I am eternally grateful.

And of course I am back to playing drums with my band, Beauty Of Decay. from March on, I have almost completely rebuilt myself as a drummer, playing things I never thought I could play, faster double bass, consistent blasts, creative fills that I never would have thought off, all of these things I couldn't have done without the other 4 guys in the band pushing me as hard as they have. So a huge thank you to those guys for not only making me a better drummer, but more importantly, staying by my side through being sick and showing that they really do care about me. Thanks to them, I finally got to release 2 live practice demos that are up on ReverbNation and my website, with a new album to begin recording in the coming months. I didn't think this day was going to happen where people would get to hear my drumming ever again and I am back, baby!

For anyone who skipped all of this reading, I'll just put everything in a short way. I went from the edge of my mortality to having arguably some of the best moments of my life happening this year. I have my real friends, my family, all of you guys reading this who care, and of course the love of my life, Lynn, for all of this.

2015, when a new year starts either people try to make resolutions to start off the new year right (and usually fail after a week) or they are the ones who bitch and moan about a new year starting and how people want to start resolutions, yadda yadda yadda.

I, on the other hand am looking at 2015 with a new lease on life. I am alive and I have no no intention of ending my life anymore and I vow that, even if life doesn't go my way this year, I will appreciate everything I have. My friends, my family, my career as That Drummer Guy, my band Beauty Of Decay, and the love of my life, Lynn. Even though I still have my demons and some days will continue to be rough psychically and mentally, I am alive and I know I can live the rest of my life the best that i fucking can!

Thanks everybody, Have a Happy and Safe 2015, and if you read all of this, be proud that you read a novel, now get out of your chair and get some fresh air.
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  #2  
Old 12-31-2014, 01:24 AM
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I'm glad you pulled through.
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Old 01-02-2015, 08:44 AM
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PANNTURRRUHHHHHH!!!!
 
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Glad things have been turning around, even if there is still some minor junk here and there, at least as a whole its better. Now put your crack pipe down and stop fishing for compliments!!! *i kid i kid i kid *
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Old 01-02-2015, 01:59 PM
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hugs Much love and respect to you, man.
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Old 01-02-2015, 04:23 PM
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Pop Punk > Slipknot and Y&T
 
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Old 01-02-2015, 08:21 PM
AnthG AnthG is offline
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Holy fuck, and you were still able to listen to all those albums? Jesus Christ.
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Old 01-04-2015, 09:27 PM
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Thanks guys, and yes Manks, I do expect you to read everything I wrote and hand me in the essay tomorrow before school is out!


I originally wrote this on Facebook, but I go here just as much, so I figured that this goes out to all of you guys as well.

Yeah I still can't believe that I was able to listen to as much as I have. To be fair, it wasn't really until April that I really started to listen to music this year.Obviously, I listened to stuff, but there was only so much i could do until then.

But yeah, this year turned out to actually be one of the better years of my life in the second half after rining in the new year as the worst moment of my entire life.

I know most of what I do is here is just post music, a lot of stuff no one knows/cares about, and showcase all the stuff I do as That Drummer Guy, But I am friends with at least a few of you guys here and it did mean a lot to me to have some of your guys' support, especially that thread from during that dark time.

Thanks again guys!
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Old 01-05-2015, 09:51 PM
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OraclesofAgony OraclesofAgony is offline
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I'm glad to hear that things are on the upswing for you.

The last 1 1/2-2 years of my life have been very difficult in terms of my physical/mental/emotional health, for reasons I will not elaborate on here. It's unfortunate that these issues have coincided with the best two years of my life professionally, as I graduated college and landed a well-paying job in that timeframe.

It frustrates me to no end that I spent most of my time in college majorly stressing out over if I was good enough to graduate let alone have any form of success in the field I had chosen, and now that I've accomplished more academically/professionally than I would've ever imagined back then, all of that stress and grief has manifested itself in other aspects of my life. Such has been my struggle of late.

Though I'm ready to turn things around this year. I believe most of my problems can be solved through lifestyle/positive behavioral changes, something I was in denial about for a majority of last year and finally came to terms with near the end of the year. And I will do everything in my power to make sure that 2015 is a year of progress for me.

Here's to hoping that 2015 is a great year for you and everyone else!
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Old 01-05-2015, 10:23 PM
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MPF MPF is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OraclesofAgony View Post
I'm glad to hear that things are on the upswing for you.

The last 1 1/2-2 years of my life have been very difficult in terms of my physical/mental/emotional health, for reasons I will not elaborate on here. It's unfortunate that these issues have coincided with the best two years of my life professionally, as I graduated college and landed a well-paying job in that timeframe.

It frustrates me to no end that I spent most of my time in college majorly stressing out over if I was good enough to graduate let alone have any form of success in the field I had chosen, and now that I've accomplished more academically/professionally than I would've ever imagined back then, all of that stress and grief has manifested itself in other aspects of my life. Such has been my struggle of late.

Though I'm ready to turn things around this year. I believe most of my problems can be solved through lifestyle/positive behavioral changes, something I was in denial about for a majority of last year and finally came to terms with near the end of the year. And I will do everything in my power to make sure that 2015 is a year of progress for me.

Here's to hoping that 2015 is a great year for you and everyone else!
I was in the same boat in August 2013. I had a live radio show on one of the bigger Metal stations on the net, 2 working bands, landing every single interview I asked for, all while having a girlfriend and working an almost 40 hour job on top of that in one of the worst companies in North America. All of that combined with stress, physical exhaustion and a couple other things nearly killed me. But until the last week before I first went to the hospital, i was happy. I was making a good name for myself then i had to disappear for 7 months. Somehow I was able to interview Dream Theater as one of my comeback interviews, which is completely nuts. I gotta try to rebuiild my name. in some aspects, it's working, in others, i am far away.

I am sorry to hear about your problems as well. Although you are probably wise not to elaborate on the issues, I know how bad all of those kinds of issues at once can destroy someone. Just remember, if I of all people can survive, you will be able to make it as well.

I am also trying to look at things positively this year and its working. I got a lot of good things going so far and this year is shaping up pretty damn good.l I hope the same for you.
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Old 01-06-2015, 12:41 AM
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dcmetal108 dcmetal108 is offline
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You don't have to thank me lol, I bitch to you and vent enough to earn my place.
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