Last night I decided that I wanted to try drinking again.
I have had SOOOOO much stress, anxiety, and the worst panic attacks that I have ever had in my whole life over the last month. I took yesterday morning to lay in bed for a while and think, "WTF IS GOING ON WITH ME!?" Long story short, I realized that I have not mourned/thought much about my co-worker who passed away last month.... and realized that ever since his passing is when I really hit the brick wall and everything really started to happen.
It was nice to be able to tie everything together and actually realize why I have felt so odd.
Now back to drinking, I was talking to my girlfriend (who has been the most supportive out of everyone with my choice to stop drinking) and we decided to get a nice bottle of Port, watch some Arcturus, and relax. WOW, that was probably the most relaxed I have felt in a long time. I am not going to turn to drinking to solve all my problems
, but it definitely does help take the edge off, especially in such difficult/emotionally draining times. Hope to get everything squared away over the next couple weeks and hopefully get myself back to normal