So I just decided "fuck it, I'll go to whichever shitsville village Alice's only UK show of the year is in".
Turns out not only is it a stupid show to be playing in the first place (Fairport Convention's curated folk festival), but his fans can't even get tickets. Apparently because the place is so fucking tiny, and the roads are so small, if they sold day tickets for the Thursday and Friday the area wouldn't be able to cope with the traffic. And as he's playing Thursday, the only option for Alice Cooper fans is to pay £110 for a three-day ticket.
18/12 Black Sabbath
14/1 Iced Earth
18/1 Lamb of God