I just attended a house show! I drank a bunch and had a blast, and here's my report. Obviously, all the faces won everything, as is par for house shows. Gotta send the fans home happy so they'll buy a shitload of merch on the way out.
Zack Ryder vs Corey Graves: Zack still gets a massive crowd reaction, no matter how bargain bin he is on the TV side of things now. I didn't care what happened in this one and just let it happen. Zack can take some bumps, I'll say that.
Tensai vs Alex Riley: I guess Tensai is a face now, and Vickie made everyone watch his dancing in lingerie video again, which made me want to be like YEAH, TENSAI, OWN IT, DON'T LET THE CROWD GET YOU DOWN and that's pretty much what happened. He danced before, during and after his match, so I guess he's being moved from jobber material to the comedy category, which is fine with me. I know the guy's been around a long time and felt bad seeing him just get squashed all the time, so GO TENSAI (which I shouted a bunch of times)
Kaitlyn vs. Tamina: Nothing special, I do respect both of them, just a straightforward match, Kaitlyn won after a spear. Crowd loved Kaitlyn.
Team Rhodes Scholars (REUNION) vs. New Age Outlaws (wut): Yeah, so this was listed on the card before the event, and Sandow has had his quarrels with DX so it made sense. Obviously the crowd went nuts for the whole DX schtick, but I didn't watch wrestling in that era so it didn't mean much to me. I was wearing a Sandow shirt, so my allegiance was sworn. They said this was the third and final night of the Rhodes Scholars reunion, which was fine by me. Sandow and Rhodes are great together, and I love their best friends gimmick. New Age Outlaws were fun and didn't embarrass themselves at all, which was nice, they still have some life in them.
David Otunga vs. Justin Gabriel: I guess they're trying to get Justin over, but I can't understand why Otunga is still involved in WWE if he's mostly going to be wearing a sweater and drinking coffee, the dude is a physical specimen. He doesn't have a great moveset yet, which might be part of it, and not much of a gimmick other than 'Harvard' and 'slowly doing dramatic muscle man poses, which some perceive to be gay,' so maybe that's why he doesnt' get to do more on TV. I loudly shouted WHY AREN'T YOU AT THE GRAMMYS? I also shouted this at Jericho later, along the lines of WHEN WILL FOZZY BE NOMINATED FOR A GRAMMY?
Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler (feat AJ and Big E. Langston): I love the whole Dolph/AJ/Big E scene. At some point the kids behind me (we were in Cape Girardeau, Missouri, mind you) shouted at Big. E "Go back to Africa." I almost shouted that at Justin Gabriel earlier as a joke, as well as "This is for apartheid!" when Otunga would smack him, but thought better of it. This kid thought it was OK, though. Something unsettling like that will jar you out of the silly fake wrestling world and bum you out for a bit. AJ got ejected for interference, to the disdain of many a drooling male. Ziggler and Jericho were incredible in the ring together, though, and traded a few super kicks where spit and sweat went flying in such dramatic arcs that you'd think it was real. These guys are great together, a great match. Seriously, at one point I thought Ziggler kicked out one of Jericho's teeth, that's how good they were.
Main Event - CM Punk and Antonio Cesaro vs. Ryback and The Miz: If that sounds like a randomly cobbled together match, that's because it was, but it was mostly fun. Punk and Cesaro came out first and antagonized kids in the crowd, tearing up signs and talking shit at marks for the entire introduction portion. Ryback gets the biggest pop of the night, by far, which was pretty incredible, seeing as how he was no one a year ago. The match was decent, but we didn't get to see a lot of good work from Cesaro and Punk (word is Punk got injured at the house show the night before), it was a lot of shenanigans and rolling around and rope breaks and JUST BARELY...CAN I MAKE IT... tags. No Swiss Death, no Neutralizer, no Go To Sleep, just a bunch of nonsense and Shell Shock, which was predictable enough, but if you understand how house shows have to work, you can't get mad about it.
ANOTHER GREAT NIGHT IN CAPE GIRARDEAU, NEXT UP: EXTREME RULES IN MAY
Standin' on the podium, tryin' to watch my sodium