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Old 03-21-2009, 03:25 PM
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JRA JRA is offline
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The "Heavy Metal Tier list" (A sort-of statement of fact in progress)

Foreword: While it would be fine and dandy if everyone could just like what they like without hassle, and that the genre of metal would conform to the music instead of the music conforming to descriptions of the genre, the truth is, that’s never gonna happen. The idea of what bands are “better than others” and such is talked about on a subconscious level all the time in metal circles. What bands are universally hated, universally loved, to the point that if one smart ass punk tries to be the minority and says “hey, I don’t think these guys are (that great/that bad)”, fanboys will come out of the wood work and throttle you (who I have dubbed and will refer to as the "True Metal Police,” or TMP). So, I have decided to submit for discussion, a “Heavy metal tier list.” Kinda like the Super Smash Bros. Brawl tier list on the smash boards for the tourney fags. Each tier represents how high of a standing each band has within not only metal circles, but with outsiders as well. But because this list is based on the subjective silliness of street credibility, it’s the self-important metal police who have the final say in who’s hot and who’s not. Each band in each tier is in order from most relevant to least relevant (depending on the tier determines whether or not they are good or bad), so if Death is above Dio, you can bet your Hammer of Thor that Death is regarded higher by metal circles than Dio. This list is meant to be somewhat comprehensive, informative, and humorus. So while I expect this to start violent and angry discussion in which at least three people are banned (myself excluded of course ), that doesn’t mean you can’t get a chuckle or two.

One thing to note is yes, this is more biased to the 80’s than any other decade. Most of the people who were around then do in fact think this was the golden age of metal. Hell for some of you old farts around here, this might be trip through high school and various arguments you may have had with each other And while Nirvana did not actually wipe everything out in 1992, the fact is, that’s when most people who grew up with metal got old, got married, got fired, and in general just stopped caring about the newer bands. So the true metal bands of the 90’s great as they may be, just won’t be as regarded highly as Maiden or Priest. People are fucking weird you know?


Anyways, without further ado...


The Heavy Metal tier list:

I. The Golden Gods (if you don’t at least respect these bands, you are not metal)

Black Sabbath (Ozzy)
Metallica
Iron Maiden
Judas Priest



II. Top Tier (bands who if you declare out loud that they suck, the True Metal Police will be up your ass)

Motorhead
Megadeth
Slayer
Black Sabbath (Dio)
Dio
Mercyful Fate


III. Manowar
Manowar *

*Manowar get their own tier because of split fan reaction. On the one hand you have people that sing their praises as the best ever, and that if you don’t like them “you aren’t metal” but on the other side, you have people who think they are the worst band ever, and those people will say that if you do like them, then “you aren’t metal.”


IV. 2nd Tier (bands who if you declare out loud that they suck, the TMP will not care)

Ozzy (solo)
Venom
Anthrax
Helloween
WASP
Exodus
Testament
Overkill
Queensryche
Savatage
King Diamond
Fates Warning
Blind Guardian
Candlemass
Rainbow


IV. Hard-rock bands that kick ass, but aren’t quite metal:

Led Zeppelin
Deep Purple
AC/DC
Van Halen
Rush
KISS
Queen
Thin Lizzy
UFO
Motley Crue
Guns N Roses

*These bands are a bit more digestable, and therefore acceptable by the mainstream. You’ve probably had the conversation with someone where you tell them you like heavy metal, and then the other person says, “oh that’s cool, I like Zeppelin, AC/DC, etc.” This basically says to the metal fan “I like the sound of heavy rock music, but I’m way too cool to be caught listening to Slayer, so I’ll just stick with the pedestrian stuff.” For whatever reason, these bands just aren’t that “metal” in the eyes of the true fans (not necessarily the TMP). Not saying that these aren’t great bands, but they just not metal.

Va. Top tier Extreme bands *

Death
Celtic Frost
Bathory
Hellhammer
Carcass
Sepultura (1985-1991)

Vb. Middle Tier extreme bands

At The Gates
In Flames (early)
Possessed
Kreator
Immortal
Mayhem
Morbid Angel
Cannibal Corpse (nobody in their right mind will admit out loud these guys are better than anyone)


*Most people write off bands who sing in an aggressive a-melodic style and whose music is the least accessible of all. This tier represents all the quality bands, but they’re just “too heavy” for the casual folks.


VI. Bands that wrote great songs, but ruined it for everyone *

Pantera
Rage Against The Machine

* Most bands today either sound like 4th rate RATM or Pantera ripoffs, and the majority retard fans wouldn’t have it any other way. Pantera and Rage are both quality bands, but let’s face it, if they never existed, modern metal would be completely different today.



VII. Middle tier (Bands that would be enforced by TMP as bands that are “Cool to like” but nobody important has heard of them)

Sleep
High On Fire
Neurosis
Isis
Cynic
Om
Boris
Sunn 0)))))
Harvey Milk
Trap Them




VIII. Low Tier (Modern bands that the more “in the now” TMP officers approve of, and the rest of the TMP will only like them on a good day, {but on a bad day, the TMP will skullfuck your ass})

Mastodon
System Of A Down
Children of Bodom
Opeth
Arch Enemy



IX. Gay ass hair metal

Dokken
Ratt
Warrant
Poison
Slaughter
Extreme
Everybody else from the 80’s that isn’t WASP, Motley Crue, or Guns N Roses



X. Fruity fairy power metal (apologies to Maiden33 )

Kamelot
Iced Earth
Hammerfall
Amon Amarth
Nocturnal Rites
Nightwish
Nevermore
Edguy
Symphony X
Dragonforce




XI. Bottom of the barrel (gay ass Ozzf-core bands that TMP will kill you for liking)

Machine Head
Lamb Of God
Shadows Fall
The Haunted
In Flames (new)
Hatebreed
God Forbid
Chaimara
Killswitch Engage
Job For A Cowboy
Soulfly
Slipknot


XII. Stupid gay eyeliner shit

Nine-inch Nails
Ateryu
Marilyn Manson
Avenged Sevenfold
Dope
Kittie



XIII. Date rape music (seriously, if you like these guys, get AIDS)

HIM
Linkin Park
Korn
Disturbed
Limp Bizkit
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Last edited by JRA; 04-12-2009 at 02:24 PM.
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