100. Megadeth - United Abominations
Jesus fucking christ, it has a song called “Amerikhastan”. Worst album of 2007. Congrats Dave.
99. Dååth - The Hinderers
I first gave this album a chance because it was being bashed by so many tr00-heads and praised by others as “experimental” death metal or something. Wasn’t worth a second thought. This is absolute mallcore crap that wants to be Dimmu Borgir and ends up sounding like DevilDriver with electronics. Avoid at all costs.
98. Manowar - Gods of War
Absolutely the biggest disappointment of 2007 for me. After hearing the EP/single/whatever The Sons of Odin
(the “Immortal Edition”, haha), which sees Manowar at their most Wagnerian—bombastic, epic, dark even—near the end of 2006, I was extremely excited for the forthcoming full-length Gods of War
. Finally, the new album leaked and I got my hands on it sometime in February or so. The extent to which it failed to keep the promise made by The Sons of Odin
practically broke my heart, and it set in motion a falling-out with Manowar that persists to today. As you may have heard already, nearly HALF of this album consists of spoken-word or orchestral interludes. Now, in theory I suppose it could
work, if done by the right band with the right talent. However, Joey DeMaio shows us at every turn on this shitpile that Manowar are not that band and they do not possess that talent. The spoken-word parts sound like Joey reading fucking poorly-written Wikipedia articles on various Norse deities into a microphone, and they’re so goddamn long
. The orchestral interludes have a few moments of listenability, but fuck, Manowar has simply lost sight of the difference between “epic” and “retarded”. Even the metal on here is substandard (see “Loki God of Fire” and “Die For Metal” [who the fuck rips off the “Kashmir” riff!?], and the ballad “Blood Brothers”, which is just a poor imitation of the wonderfully cheesy “Courage” from Louder Than Hell
), and the great tracks that appeared on The Sons of Odin
are slightly modified, which was completely unnecessary. Did we need those extra silly choir vocals? No! Adams sounded great all by himself on the EP! Fuck! This album sucks! Manowar is dead!
97. W.A.S.P. - Dominator
Another big disappointment. I hadn’t set my expectations too high for this one, considering the overall blandness of the Neon God
albums, but still, a single positive review and an irrational love for W.A.S.P. allowed me to keep some hope. The result was painful. Once again Blackie Lawless has nothing new to offer, except it seems that now in the 2000s, every time he repeats his formulas, the resulting music just gets worse and worse. I barely got through this entire album, and I have no desire to ever hear it again.
96. 3 Inches of Blood - Fire Up the Blades
My hatred for this album borders on irrational. I downloaded it, listened to it once and immediately deleted it in utter disgust. Every fucking second of this album is torturously average or just plain bad
. The vocals are some of the worst shit I have ever heard—the mock Halford/King Diamond voices are NOT funny, and they DON’T sound good. There is nothing “old-school” about this album. 3 Inches of Blood are the musical equivalent of Dethklok Metalocalypse—a joke that throws together all the clichés of metal into a plastic package of uninteresting tripe so that the mainstream can eat it up as the latest fad and pretend like they understand its roots. I don’t care if I’m the only person here who doesn’t cream their pants over this album; this is absolutely worthless, throwaway garbage. Makes me ashamed to call myself a metal fan.
95. Dimmu Borgir - In Sorte Diaboli
By now we all know what to expect from Dimmu Borgir, and this doesn’t let down our expectations. Seemingly endless awful symphonic metal chock full of stupid ideas and riffs that go nowhere. It was hard enough for me to sit through this entire turd, I really don’t want to spend much time going on about it here.
94. Kamelot - Ghost Opera
Sometimes I like Kamelot. Ghost Opera
is not one of those times. The whole thing was exceedingly boring and gave me no reason to re-listen--there was nothing on this album that I wouldn’t be able find on other, better Kamelot releases.
93. Redemption - The Origins of Ruin
Surprise surprise, I hated another one of the albums that everybody's jerking off to for reasons beyond me. What the hell is so special about this? All I hear is fairly typical to mediocre power/prog metal, needlessly down-tuned to pretend its heavy, with flat, wimpy, unemotional vocals. Some of this even sounds like a pale, unengaging version of (pre-2007) Symphony X to me. Maybe if they had a vocalist that wasn't so fucking deadpan and annoying this would be better, but even the music is just not that interesting. Also, most of the lyrics are painfully bad. I wanted to like this album. I really did. But I could barely make it through the entire hour of playing time.
92. King Diamond - Give Me Your Soul... Please
Wow, what a disappointment. When the god-awful album title was announced way back when, I was afraid it was an indication of things to come, but considering the King’s general cheesiness and peculiar grasp on the English language, I didn’t let it lower my expectations. Unfortunately, that only led to a bigger letdown. Everything about this album is sub-par for King—the plot is just stupid (even by KD standards!), the storytelling is ineffective and nonsensical, and the music is just bland, bland, bland. The only time there’s really any semblance of quality is when Andy is simply ripping off Painkiller riffs. Boo.
91. Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero
Basically terrible, and a good sign Trent should hang it up or focus on other projects. There are a precious few moments on here that actually got my head bobbing (“Survivalism” ain’t bad), but the recycled ideas and god-awful vocals (what happened?) are just more than I can stomach.