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Old 05-13-2006, 11:14 AM
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hot_turkey_ed hot_turkey_ed is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: California
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Thumbs up GWAR w/ Dying Fetus -- Hollywood, CA -- December 3rd, 2004

TOUR: GWAR
SUPPORT: Dying Fetus, All That Remains
VENUE: The Key Club -- Hollywood, CA
DATE: Friday, December 3rd, 2004
ATTENDED W/: Motorhead Jeff
GEAR WORN: Megadeth Hoodie
MERCH PURCHASED: Dying Fetus Cds & shirt. Way too much GWAR shit to list.
EDDIES AWARDED (Gwar): 9.25
EDDIES AWARDED (Dying Fetus): 8
REVIEWED: December 6th, 2004

==============================================


This was one of the greatest fucking concerts I will ever attend in my life. GWAR was an excellent concert and I shall duly reward them but since I lack Oderus’ five foot cock, a shitty review on our shitty site will have to do.

Days after our great Ozzfest adventure last summer, Motorhead Jeff called me about seeing GWAR. No tour plans had been announced, although slaves everywhere were awaiting the late October release of War Party. Except for an endorsement by Beavis and Butthead, what the fuck did I know about GWAR? Nothing. I bought our tickets when the War Party tour was announced and slowly bought up my study materials at Rasputin and Amoeba. Scumdogs Of The Universe (Slaughterama and Sick (SICK!) Of (OF!) You.. ) alone won me over with its comedy and vulgarity. GWAR was Weird Al with an extreme potty mouth minus the parodies. Yes, it is unholy and fucking perfect. I enjoy War Party as much as Scumdogs to boot.

I raced out of Northern California for the high desert east of Los Angeles…. maybe not raced since an aircraft belonging to the California Highway Patrol clocked me at 83 MPH (they can’t count – I was doing 90 plus) and had a ground unit pull me over. The officer must have been a GWAR fan, since I got away with a warning. Six hours later, I picked up Motorhead Jeff for an evening rush hour commute into Hollywood. Two hours and $8 later, we parked on the Sunset Strip and were maybe the tenth in line.

A bit late after eight, the pork at the door let us in (confiscating my only pen for writing set lists) and we literally walked to the stage, left-center. Guys, I stowed my combat goggles on the stage behind one of the monitors when I wasn’t wearing them. How much closer can you be than that?

During the first two acts, we mostly heard the actual sounds of the drums and the guitar amp in front of us. Who needs a PA when you are that close? Even better was a close up view of the effects pedals (“Hey, I HAVE that pedal… “), rigs, and crew activity. Better yet still was watching the flying fingers of the guitarists and examining technique. I was at the same distance from which I learn from my bass teacher.

All That Remains needs help, especially on their stage presence. Their singer has game but the rest of the band has zero stage presence. Their music caused minor head bobbing but the crowd didn’t really explode until Dying Fetus.

Besides a great name, Dying Fetus is blessed fucking metal noise. I could not interpret the grunts and growls of their singer – and I use that term grudgingly. It’s not that the guy sucks shit but that I couldn’t understand a fucking word he sang. It didn’t matter… his noise/singing became another instrument to me and it fit their music perfectly. I have never headbanged before as hard I did for Dying Fetus – which should tell you something about their music given that I had never heard it before. I was even stone-cold sober; with a few beers in me, I would have lost consciousness throwing myself into full-body banging spasms and bludgeoning myself on the monitors a few inches from the path of my head. I endedup buying all their cds and a shirt -- THIS FROM A SUPPORT ACT! Dying Fetus, you fucking rule.

The Maiden sardine can is nothing compared to the civil crush that ensued before GWAR took the stage, as opposed to the very threatening situation upfront at Megadeth at the Warfield a few weeks earlier. Maybe all the real dicks were at the black metal concert (Satryicon) down the street at the Whiskey. Shortly after GWAR took the stage, this chick behind me started to climb up my backside for a better view. Eventually, I just perched her on my hip and got the best action (“GOD DAMN IT! I’M HORNY!”) I’ve ever had at a metal concert.

Every now and then, some jackass would crowd-surf near the stage while those of us up front pummeled them. The handful that managed to land on the stage were pummeled by the band or a roadie. I swear Oderus clocked one guy in the head closed fisted (granted his fists are probably a little padded): “The next guy that gets on stage gets a mic stand up his ass.”

Our left-center stage position was great but it would have been better to be about two rows of people back center stage because that’s where most of the blood went. GWAR maims and disemboweled several Presidents, Senator John Kerry [L – Loser], Paris Hilton, Michael Jackson, and Laci Peterson (with special guest star, baby Connor). Don’t get me wrong, John Kerry bled all over us but the slaves in the center pit had it worse, so we know what to do next time. My favorite death of the night? Let me quote Oderus on the remains of Paris Hilton sliced Black Dahlia style: “We’ll leave her out back. It’s ok by us if you fuck her.”

I know some of you don’t take GWAR serious for whatever reason. Maybe you think they don’t play well or didn’t at one time. Perhaps, you think their costumes and gimmicks are stupid. I have two words for critics of GWAR: FUCK YOU. What the members of GWAR do is brilliant. EVERYTHING about their show just works. Their music is fun and if you don’t have a “so serious metal” stick up your ass, you would enjoy it too. “Give me a bomb, I'll drop it on you!”

The setlist in Hollywood was pretty much what we have listed already on our site although my list is not the correct order as it was played:

Horror of Yig
War Party
Krosstika
Ham on the Bone
Decay of Granduer
Crack in the Egg
Bring Back The Bomb
Immortal Corruptor
You Can't Kill Terror
Have You Seen Me
Womb With A View
Crush Kill Destroy
The Reaganator
Bonesnapper
Salaminizer
Lost God
Biledriver
Sick of You

Note how many songs were played off War Party... If someone can correct the order, I would be your best friend for about five seconds but my appreciation would last a bit longer – at least a couple of minutes. “We offer you death but a good one at that…It's only your life, after all!”

The biggest regret that I have about this show is that I did not catch it the several times it was in California. The Key Club was totally packed for this concert, so I’m hoping GWAR returns again. There will be travels when it happens and this board will whore with the best of them. A GWAR show almost makes the anal probe that the TSA uses on airline passengers worth it. I spent enough money at the merch table that I’m embarrassed about it. Even Motorhead Jeff bought a shirt, his first purchase of a concert shirt this year.

A final note: Mini-MJ-Jr had a weekend soccer tournament, which we were all attending Saturday morning. You should have seen the look on Mrs. Motorhead Jeff’s face when the man proudly beamed his intention to wear his blood stained shirt and pants to the game…

Iron Maiden is the standard by which all metal should be judged, 10 Eddies representing any MAIDEN concert. Support acts do not receive Eddies unless a band is exceptional; Dying Fetus, you earned 8 Eddies. GWAR receives 9.25 Eddies, one of the highest ratings earned all year.
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