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street_burial
01-04-2012, 03:27 PM
Lamb of God are kicking of 2012 with a new album, Resolution, out January 24. Perhaps taking that title in the legal sense of the term, the bandís frontman, Randy Blythe, has taken it upon himself to announce that heís running for president this year. You can read what he has to say below, and let us know if you would vote for him in the comments section at the bottom.

ďItís 2012 now, the year some are saying the Mayan calendar predicts a cataclysmic upheaval across the board for our planet, perhaps even the end of the world as we know it. I donít know if these doomsday predictions have any validity, but I do know one thing: the potential candidates in the race to decide who will be elected President of the United States look like pure shit.

ďIím not particularly stoked on any of the candidates. In a massive blow to our civil rights, Obama quietly signed the NDAA for the fiscal year 2012 into law while Americans drank in their party hats on New Yearís Eve. The GOP is parading around a bunch of ass-clowns in what has got to be the most embarrassing primary season in the history of their party. Just when you thought it couldnít get any worse than Sarah Palin, they bust out that lunatic Michele Bachman. I have no clue what the Libertarians are up to now that Ron Paul is gunning for the Republican nomination. Probably loading their guns and preparing for the worst.

ďDonít even get me started on our current Congress, THE WORST CONGRESS I HAVE EVER SEEN OR HEARD OF IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. Itís a relentless bipartisan pissing contest in Washington where not only is nothing getting done, nothing is ALLOWED to get done. Thereís a bunch of squabbling children in Washington in charge of the business of running our country. These baboons are stopping any useful litigation from occurring by engaging in an endless game of ďI know you are, but what am I?Ē. There is very little compromise happening in DC, and there is very little regard for the welfare of the American people. Itís PATHETIC.

ďSomething has got to change. America is falling to pieces around us and we are sitting back and letting it happen. We need someone to come in and REALLY take charge, someone who canít be bought by corporate dollars because he doesnít need or want Ďem. Someone who is not going to bullshit the country or the rest of the world about whatís going to go down when he steps into office, because he LIKES pissing people off and doesnít give a shit about hurting anyoneís feelings. We need a man who is not afraid to stick his neck out and risk embarrassing himself while doing the right thing, a man, in fact, INCAPABLE of embarrassment anymore PERIOD because heís ALREADY done almost every stupid WRONG thing you can think of at one time or the other. We need a hard-boiled, no-nonsense, mean son-of-a-bitch with a bad reputation who ainít afraid to cock-whip the shit out of some randomly selected pussy-ass billionaire on live tv during his annual State of the Union Address just to make a point and let the mega-rich know that NO ONE is above the law here in the land of the free and the home of the brave. In short, we need a man who just DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK.

ďAmerica, that man is me.

ďThats right, ME. David Randall Blythe. Olí D. Randall. Uncle Randy. Wassisname, that dude from that one band that got drunk and fought in a skirt. I love the USA like a nerd loves D&D, I am thoroughly disgusted with the state of affairs, and I am ready, willing, and able to FUCK SHIT UP without a micro-secondís hesitation in order to fix what ails this country. All you have to do is elect me as the next President of the United States of America and Iíll handle the rest.Ē

MPF
01-04-2012, 03:35 PM
He didn't say Motherfucker enough in this announcement.

BloodoftheKings
01-04-2012, 03:50 PM
So we need a president who doesn't give a fuck? Maybe it was a bad idea for Obama to quit smoking cigarettes.

illuminatus917
01-04-2012, 03:54 PM
I'd vote for Sarah Palin over this guy.

John The Drummer
01-04-2012, 03:57 PM
That speech made me want to grab a six pack of Budweiser, lift some weights, and listen to some PANNNNTURRRRRUUUUUUUH.

BloodoftheKings
01-04-2012, 03:59 PM
That speech made me want to grab a six pack of Budweiser, lift some weights, and listen to some PANNNNTURRRRRUUUUUUUH.

:lol:

christopher
01-04-2012, 04:02 PM
He's got my vote :lol:

mankvill
01-04-2012, 07:12 PM
If there is one paranoid anti-government musician who I'd vote for, it'd be Dave Mustaine.

BloodoftheKings
01-04-2012, 07:14 PM
shut the fuck up and go kill yourself

:lovedup:

powerslave_85
01-04-2012, 07:32 PM
We need a hard-boiled, no-nonsense, mean son-of-a-bitch with a bad reputation who ainít afraid to cock-whip the shit out of some randomly selected pussy-ass billionaire on live tv during his annual State of the Union Address just to make a point and let the mega-rich know that NO ONE is above the law here in the land of the free and the home of the brave. In short, we need a man who just DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK.He's gonna reanimate Teddy Roosevelt? :confused:

powerslave_85
01-04-2012, 07:37 PM
Rejected jokes for that post:
"Why, did Pantera already do it?"
"He'd probably get more votes than Huntsman did in the Iowa caucus."
"Ron Paul's going to lose some dipshit, 20-year-old white kid voters."

DethMaiden
01-04-2012, 07:51 PM
So we need a president who doesn't give a fuck? Maybe it was a bad idea for Obama to quit smoking cigarettes.

:lol: :lol:

ChildrenofSodom
01-04-2012, 08:41 PM
Rejected jokes for that post:
"Ron Paul's going to lose some white supremacist voters."

Fixed.