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View Full Version : Five Finger Death Punch needs a new bassist.


orlandodavis
04-25-2011, 04:45 PM
Requirements include: Hard rock/Alternative metal look, must be under 35, not over six feet tall. Oh, and tattoos are a plus. Stay classy guys. http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=157257

rjturtle9
04-25-2011, 04:46 PM
Requirements include: Hard rock/Alternative metal look, must be under 35, not over six feet tall. Oh, and tattoos are a plus.

What about the ability to play bass?

orlandodavis
04-25-2011, 04:49 PM
They said the ability was a plus, not required.:lol:

NecroRob
04-25-2011, 04:52 PM
It takes them 7 points before they mention musical ability as a requirement (well not really a requirement I guess)

But it is an absolute necessity to look like a badass, NO EXCEPTIONS!

DethMaiden
04-25-2011, 04:58 PM
How much is required in the fighting skills department?

Northern_Shaman
04-25-2011, 05:01 PM
* Hard rock/alternative metal look
* Your image MUST be compatible with the band (absolutely no exceptions!)
* Under 35 years of age (no exceptions)
* Athletic build
* Not over 6 feet tall
* Tattoos a plus

I LMFAO'd.

rjturtle9
04-25-2011, 05:01 PM
lol @ No drinkers or smokers.

Must look like a rockstar, but can't party like one? So in order to join this band you have to look like an asshole, and that's it. Oh how I hate tough guy metal.

ravenheart
04-25-2011, 05:05 PM
What about the ability to play bass?

Irrelevant.

Wizzbang11
04-25-2011, 05:11 PM
When reading the title I assumed that this was not news and instead you about to go on a rant about how much he sucked, and the fact that you posted that in news made me very pleased.

orlandodavis
04-25-2011, 05:12 PM
The lead singer looks like Stephen Geoffreys from Fright Night.

mankvill
04-25-2011, 05:14 PM
This is just about the funniest thing ever.

Derelict
04-25-2011, 05:17 PM
lol @ No drinkers or smokers.

Must look like a rockstar, but can't party like one? So in order to join this band you have to look like an asshole, and that's it. Oh how I hate tough guy metal.

win

AnataFan4Life
04-25-2011, 05:23 PM
After reading that, I still can't believe people take this band seriously.

Dextrimental
04-25-2011, 05:39 PM
Ya see, whenever people make fun of Lamb of God for being tough guy music, and unimaginativ or whatever, I pretty much assume they just haven't given these guys a decent listen. If you want whats wrong with modern mainstream metal, these are it.

BloodoftheKings
04-25-2011, 06:00 PM
A representative for FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH's management has released the following statement to BLABBERMOUTH.NET:

"I think it was an honest mistake on someone's behalf, but we would like to be clear that NOTHING about this Musicians Institute flyer was approved by FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH or their management in any way. This flyer's existence was honestly not made known to the band or to management until it was posted on Blabbermouth. Even the band photo on the flyer is over three years old and has [former FIVE FINGER guitarist] Darryl Roberts in it, which hasn't been used in years. This flyer with an outdated photo and list of criteria are not from FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH in any way, shape or form."

Northern_Shaman
04-25-2011, 06:09 PM
A representative for FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH's management has released the following statement to BLABBERMOUTH.NET:

"I think it was an honest mistake on someone's behalf, but we would like to be clear that NOTHING about this Musicians Institute flyer was approved by FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH or their management in any way. This flyer's existence was honestly not made known to the band or to management until it was posted on Blabbermouth. Even the band photo on the flyer is over three years old and has [former FIVE FINGER guitarist] Darryl Roberts in it, which hasn't been used in years. This flyer with an outdated photo and list of criteria are not from FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH in any way, shape or form."

I was wondering when I'd see something like that.

Believable? Yes.
Less funny? No.

Someone out there is a fucking excellent troll if true.

MPF
04-25-2011, 06:11 PM
Five Finger Donkey Punch has a new bassist that they've been keeping under wraps for a while. It's the former bassist of a local Minnesota band called Throw The Fight. The announcement will be made right around, if not the same announcement as when they announce their next US tour.

As sad as it was, I knew this information for almost 2 months now and knew about 2 weeks before the official announcement that Donkey Punches' bassist was leaving the band. I'm going to guess mid to late may will have the official news.

Steev
04-25-2011, 06:17 PM
I had a feeling it was fake


Still funny though

ShatteredFlame
04-25-2011, 06:36 PM
My uncle found one of their CD's and has been calling me and his daughter about how awesome they are and he thinks we will love it just because we listen to music with screaming involved. He gets a chuckle out of some lyrics like "YOU DON't KNOW SHIT" :bouville:

Travis The Dragon
04-25-2011, 07:12 PM
Even though it's fake, still pretty funny!

BlackmoreOfBowling
04-25-2011, 08:11 PM
lol meathead music

bt11763
04-25-2011, 08:37 PM
Five Finger Death Punch needs to break up.

hellawaits77ny
04-25-2011, 08:43 PM
Even though it turned out to be fake, there is nothing faking the fact that these guys are terrible. They had a decent first album, then went to shit. I always laugh at and give shit to people who think they're tough cause they listen to these characters.

NecroRob
04-25-2011, 08:53 PM
I think the fact that we all believed this was true should tell you something about how people view this band.

illuminatus917
04-25-2011, 09:05 PM
My uncle found one of their CD's and has been calling me and his daughter about how awesome they are and he thinks we will love it just because we listen to music with screaming involved. He gets a chuckle out of some lyrics like "YOU DON't KNOW SHIT" :bouville:

Nothing's more irritating than folks who, because they know I listen to metal, ask me if I like bands of this sort all "enthusiastically," in an effort to just find common ground musically. I feel bad when I have to say "no, I don't really like them."

hellawaits77ny
04-25-2011, 09:55 PM
Nothing's more irritating than folks who, because they know I listen to metal, ask me if I like bands of this sort all "enthusiastically," in an effort to just find common ground musically. I feel bad when I have to say "no, I don't really like them."

Haha, that actually reminds me of something: I wore a Slipknot shirt to a family thing at my grandparents', and this dude that my aunt was dating (dude was like my Dads' age, mid-late 40's) see's me (and this is the first time he's ever met me) w/ the shirt and he's like "SLIPKNOT!!! Hell yeah!!" And this dude was wearing an earring and polo shirt w/ popped collar. He was a nice guy, but I really wanted to say to him "Dude, you're 45, give it up". Haha, funny stuff.

NOTE : To people in their 40's here : I am ripping on the dude cause he was wearing an earing and popping his collar at 45, not because he's 45.

And yes, I'm a Slipknot fan.

NickLed19
04-26-2011, 02:06 AM
What a joke.

Nick_to_the_face
04-26-2011, 10:08 AM
Haha, that actually reminds me of something: I wore a Slipknot shirt to a family thing at my grandparents', and this dude that my aunt was dating (dude was like my Dads' age, mid-late 40's) see's me (and this is the first time he's ever met me) w/ the shirt and he's like "SLIPKNOT!!! Hell yeah!!" And this dude was wearing an earring and polo shirt w/ popped collar. He was a nice guy, but I really wanted to say to him "Dude, you're 45, give it up". Haha, funny stuff.

NOTE : To people in their 40's here : I am ripping on the dude cause he was wearing an earing and popping his collar at 45, not because he's 45.

And yes, I'm a Slipknot fan.

I still don't get how your a Slipknot fan, yet you gave me shit for Mushroomhead :confused:

AnthG
04-27-2011, 11:54 AM
Meh, Mushroomhead has one decent album (XIII). Everything else they've released is pretty bad.

elturtleboy
04-27-2011, 12:37 PM
Five Finger Death Punch needs to break up.

This. In the summer it was hard to be all happy after Hatebreed and keep it that way while these fruits played while i waited for Lamb Of God. I couldnt do it :(

hellawaits77ny
04-27-2011, 08:41 PM
I still don't get how your a Slipknot fan, yet you gave me shit for Mushroomhead :confused:

Did I? Yeah, I don't care for those guys. Nothing personal, just not a fan

bt11763
04-27-2011, 08:50 PM
This. In the summer it was hard to be all happy after Hatebreed and keep it that way while these fruits played while i waited for Lamb Of God. I couldnt do it :(

ugh my thoughts exactly.

btw you better go to that AWK/Wavves/Trash Talk Show mister

Nick_to_the_face
04-28-2011, 08:46 AM
Did I? Yeah, I don't care for those guys. Nothing personal, just not a fan

not saying bad things about slipknot, I've just never seen someone who likes one but doesn't like the other:confused: